Oh So Loverly
by Flower J. Dean
Summary: My Story is on Lifetime. When Manny Santos hit rock bottom. Completed. I may write a sequel, later.
1. Smoking is Bad For Some

I'd love for you to watch me fall. But if you knew I was falling, would you help me? Or at least try to catch me? I wonder. I knew the answer was yes for someone. My best friend.

I sat on a stool in front of a small audience, sitting around small round tables drinking coffee. The room was small and dark. The only light seemed to be coming from the small candles on the tables.

My acoustic guitar was sitting on my lap and I was strummed it. I sang the words to the song and I was in my own world. A little bubble I created when I sang and played. Craig did a good thing when he bought me a guitar for Christmas last year.

And it has really come into use since graduation. It's just another way I can make some extra cash, which I so desperately need. Being on my own isn't a dream come true in my case. I've been introduced to things maybe I shouldn't. This that if my parents ever found out, they'd disown me.

But I didn't think of any of the shit going on while I was playing my song. The one I wrote for Craig. Because Craig has been there since day one, through all the crap I pulled and put him through. But even he slipped out of my mind when I was in my own world. The one I was in right now, but would end when the song was over. So I cherished the moment.

I smiled when I strummed the last chord. Polite applause broke out and I left the stage, happy with my performance. After I put all my equipment in my Volkswagen bus, I walked back in to get my pay check. It wasn't much, only $100, but I accepted anything these days.

"Same time next week then?" I asked the club owner. He glanced at me and nodded. "See you," I said as I walked out through the back. I unlocked my car and got in. I sat there for a moment, cradling my head which hurt like a bitch.

I dug through my bag for some Advil and my pack of cigarettes. I popped four or five Advil in my mouth and downed it with some water.

"Shit," I mumbled and rummaged around for a lighter. I rolled my eyes when I found it on the passenger side seat. I light the slender stick of tobacco and inhaled.

I began to feel better. I sat in my car and smoked for about five minutes before heading back to Sean's house. I pulled into the drive way when I got there. I didn't feel like getting all the shit out of the bus, so I didn't and walked up the five stairs to the front door.

"Late night?" He asked from the couch. He was watching a late night comedy show.

"Yeah," I said, rubbing my eyes. I threw my bag on the floor and grumbled about the smell of old pizza. I slipped my dirty Vans off and sat next to him on the couch.

"I'm tired," I yawned and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I figured. How was the fucking show tonight?" He asked and kissed my cheek.

"Better than last week. There were actually people there this time," I said and put my feet on the coffee table.

"What is this shit?" I asked.

"I dunno," he said. "But I think it's time we both went to bed. School tomorrow."

"Yeah, but I don't have class until one. So I can sleep in. I don't feel like sleeping," I said, taking the old bag of skittles from my jacket pocket.

"I have class early," he said and yawned. "So I'm going to fucking sleep," Sean said, kissed me good night and went to the bedroom we shared.

I curled my lip and turned the television off. I wasn't in the mood to stay here tonight. I popped some skittles in my mouth and I put my shoes back on and grabbed my bag from the ground.

I opened the door and the cool air came rushing in. "Fuck."

I went back in the house, took my jacket off, put on a long flannel shirt, and put my jacket back on. I was now ready to go back out into the cold. I figured I would go for a walk, but changed my mind quickly and changed coarse towards my car.

I had left it unlocked, so I opened the door and sat on the cold seat and had another cigarette. The Advil had started working by now and I just smoked because I could.

I drove. I drove for about 20 minutes before I got to where I wanted to go, Craig's apartment complex. I parked and walked down an eerie walk way before I reached the stairs that would take me to Craig's.

It looked different at night, but I was getting used to it. I found it. With the little 'Welcome' rug on the floor that I made him buy.

I knocked. Pause. Nothing. I knocked again. Nothing. Then I heard some rustling and then, "Who the hell is it?"

I laughed. "It's me."

"Oh shit," he said and opened the door. A goofy grin was on his face.

"What are you doing here at this time of night?" He asked rubbing his head. But before I could answer, a pretty blonde girl walked into the room with just a big shirt on.

"Fuck," she said and walked back into the bedroom.

"Busy?" I asked and jumped onto the couch.

"No." He said. "I'll be right back."

When he came back, the blonde haired girl was fully dressed and carrying a small bag.

"I don't understand why I have to leave though," I heard her whisper to him.

"Because. Now leave or I'll have to get nasty," he didn't bother whispering.

I saw the blonde girl throw me a dirty look before she walked out the door.

"Who was that?" I asked, eating some skittles. Craig sat on the couch next to me and embraced me. I put my head on his chest so I could feel his heart.

"I'm not even going to lie to you. That was Brooke. I met her a couple months ago and no we aren't dating. We just hooked up is all," he laughed. "And it was a huge mistake."

"I could tell. She must be attached then?" I asked.

He grunted. "Yes." Then he cackled. "I tried to make it bad. I did everything I shouldn't have and she still wants me."

"You of all people tried to be bad in bed?" I asked, half mockingly.

"I know, I'm the master," he smiled. "I just can't get rid of her."

"Well, if you're sooo desperate, I'll help you."

"Oh yes, Manny, that is exactly what I need," he said and ruffled my hair. "I need her to catch us getting it on."

I laughed. "We'll make it a date then."

"Sure will. So why'd you come over here anyway?" He asked, stealing a couple skittles out of my hands.

"I dunno. I was bored I guess," I shrugged.

"Sean isn't doing it for you?" He asked, then kissed me. There was some heavy making out before I'd had enough.

"Not like that," I said sitting up. "I need to go now."

"Why? Because I kissed you?" He raised an eyebrow. "Hello? We do it all the time, dear."

"I know, I know. It's not that. I need to go pick up something. What time is it?" I asked.

Craig looked at his watch. "Almost one thirty."

"Fuck. Yeah, I have to go. I'll talk to you later." I said, kissed him on the lips and hurried to the door.

"Shit, throw me my bag." I said before I stepped out the door. He did and I left. When I got into my car, I fumbled for my phone and called a guy named Landon.

"Hello?" A sleepy voice said.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" I asked, but I wasn't sorry at all.

"Yeah. You did actually. What's up?" He coughed.

"Did you forget to? I'm coming to get what you owe me." I said, jumbling my words.

"Oh, yeah. Come on over. You have the money right?"

"Yes, all one hundred and all for the best shit there is. It is the best shit right? You're not going to rip me off like last time are you?" I didn't trust the kid, but he could get the best heroin out of everyone I knew.

"Yes, I have the good shit. Just come over and I'll give it to you. You remember where it is don't you?"

"Yeah, I'm on my way." And I hung up.

When I got there, Landon was waiting outside of his trashy house for me. I parked in front of his house and practically jumped out of the car and walked fast up to him.

He had a strange sneer on his face. He was drunk.

"Give me it." I demanded at once. But he just stood there.

"Money first," he slurred and almost fell on his ass, but I caught him.

"You smell like vodka. Let's go inside, shall we?" I asked. He nodded and I grabbed his arm and led him inside. This wasn't the first time I'd been in his house. The smell was appalling. I sat him in an old, filthy arm chair.

"Just tell me where it is, I'll get it and leave the money on the table and I'll be out of your hair.'

"No, no. I don't fucking trust you. Give me the damn money," he stood up fast out of the chair and stumbled over to me.

"Fuck," he whispered.

"You owe me shit, now give it to me." I said sternly.

"Fine, baby. Fine. You want the shit? You'll get it," he said and leaned in to kiss my neck.

"No," I said and pushed him off. "Not tonight, alright? Please, just give me the stuff and I'll leave. I'm a busy girl and I have shit to take care of." I pulled the money out of my bra and waved it in the air.

"Here's your money. Now show me the heroin."

He took it out of his jeans pocket and handed it to me. I laughed because he fell on the floor after he handed it to me. I put the money back in my bra and stepped over his unconscious body. I chuckled and left.

I drove back to Craig's apartment, but I didn't go in. Instead I parked and crawled into the back of my car. I pulled my sleeping bag out from under the seat and spread it out among the piles of junk lining the interior of the VW bus. I slipped my shoes off and sat on top of the sleeping bag.

I opened the bag with the assortment of syringes and took one out. I took my jacket off and rolled the sleeve of my flannel shirt up. I took a deep breath and plunged the needle deep into my skin. I moaned, took the needle out, and threw it towards the front of the car. I passed out. It had been a long time since I'd been able to get hold of the shit I so desperately needed to survive.


	2. And He's Not What You'd Expect, Honey

Warning: Heavy sexual content and sex in this chapter. Also, this is my first sex scene. Be nice.

I woke up, barely remembering where I was. I felt better today. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. I crawled to the front of the bus, searching for my pack of cigarettes. "Shit, shit, shit." I grumbled. I crawled into the driver's seat and found them on the floor.

I leaned my head against the seat, the cigarette in my mouth. I inhaled. Exhaled. Smoking was my way of relaxing as, I'm sure, it is for other people with my problem. I'm sure if anyone found out all the fucking shit I was into now, they wouldn't believe me. But the truth is, all the shit helps me get through.

Drinking makes me feel happy, carefree. I don't feel like that normally. And I can get away with so much shit as a drunken person. "Oh she's drunk, let her do what she wants."

Heroin, let's me escape the world I hate. I hate it. And if something let's me escape it, then so be it. Give me some of the shit and I can try and live in the nasty world.

Smoking, I already said it, relaxes me. Nothing helps me do that, except maybe sex, which is totally bizarre.

I put out my cigarette in the ashtray and started the car. I decided to drive back to Sean's house.

"Where've you been?" He asked me when I walked in. He was sitting on the couch, again, and eating a bowl of cereal.

"I couldn't sleep, so I went for a drive," I said, which was actually, pretty truthful.

"Again? Manny, seriously. Go to the doctor's and get a prescription for some sleep pills. It will help," he said, turning around to look at me, the spoon dangling from his mouth.

I laughed inside my head. He thought that would make me sleep? It would just be another thing I'd need to get through the day. Why don't we just add, _addicted to sleep pills_ to the list of other shit.

"Yeah, maybe I will," I said finally. I sat on the couch next to him.

"Babe, are you okay? You look really pale," he said, staring intently at me.

"I am?" That was news to me, but I already said, it had been a long time since I had heroin. My tolerance level had dropped significantly.

He nodded and set the bowl on the coffee table in front of us and he turned to look at me, straight on.

I looked back at him. I felt bad. I guess he really did care about all the shit I was going through, but that still didn't mean I was going to tell him.

"I'm probably just coming down with something. No big deal. I'll take some Advil or something," I said and look at the blank TV.

"I'll get you some right now," he said and got up from the couch and went into the bathroom. "How many do you want to take?" He called back.

I didn't want to answer that. I didn't want him to know I took more than you're supposed to. So I said, "One or two is fine." I could always sneak some more in later.

He came back with Advil in his hands. "Water?" He asked and I nodded. He got a water bottle out of the refrigerator. He handed the water and the Advil to me and I took it.

"Are you going to be okay while I'm at class? Because if you want me to stay with you, I'll stay," he said after I had swallowed the Advil.

Fuck. Why did he have to make everything so hard? He makes me feel guilty.

"No, I'll be okay. I don't want your grades to suffer because of me," I said. "Okay, but I'll leave my cell phone on. If you need anything, call me."

He got up and walked to the front door and left for class. I sighed. He really did make me fucking guilty about everything. He was a good guy. I just wish I could be the same for him.

I went into the bathroom and took seven more Advil. "Shit," I grumbled I had class in five hours. But I decided to fuck it. I was going to do something more entertaining.

I drove to the liquor store that was down the street. The girl behind the counter waved at me when I walked in. I was a regular. I walked up and down a couple isles, picking up an assortment of candy and other shit with no nutritional value. I went to the alcohol section last and picked out two large bottles of vodka.

I went up to the counter, placed everything on the counter and asked for three packs of cigarettes.

"How are you doing?" The girl asked. I had forgotten her name.

"Fine. You?" I replied. "Same."

She rang up all my shit. She didn't even card me for the alcohol. She knew I was underage. I still had two more years.

"Okay. It totals to seventy dollars and thirty three cents." She said, chomping on her gum.

I gave her exact change and left. It smelt worse than usual in there.

When I got in my car, I opened a bottle of vodka and took a big gulp. I put the bottle back in the bag, but stopped half way when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"It's Landon, you fucking owe me you little bitch." He said through gritted teeth.

I laughed. "You passed out you little wanker. Next time don't drink so much and you'll get your money."

"I want more than money," he grunted.

"I'm not fucking you anymore." I said lightly.

"Then fucking forget the little deal. No more heroin, honey."

"No, no. I need it. You don't understand. I need it real bad. Fine…okay? When?" I asked.

"Tonight. I need some tonight." He moaned into the phone.

"Fine. What time?"

"Be here at my place at five okay? I want it to be long," he said. I could hear the yearning in his voice. I guess I was the only one who got him laid in a long time.

"Okay. I'll be there. Do you already have condoms?" I asked, I wasn't doing anything without condoms. The last thing I wanted was to get pregnant.

"Yes, I do."

"Alright. I'll be there at five. Are you going to pay me?" I asked.

"No, no I'm not. That is your payment for the heroin. See you later." He hung up.

There was no way in hell I was going to fuck the guy anymore. But, I had to think, what he might do to me. He had been in jail for attempted murder. What made him try to kill? Lack of fucking? I wasn't sure. But it was a possibility.

I arrived at his house promptly at five. I walked solemnly up to the door and knocked. He answered quickly.

"I thought you would be late," he said and pulled the door open for me. I walked in and stood behind him.

He turned to look at me. "Well?" He said. He looked silver.

I just looked at him. "Listen, I'm kind of not in the right mood to do this. Can we just settle this is money? I'll give more than the hundred I was going to give you. I'll double it. Does two hundred sound okay?" I talked fast, unsure ofhis reaction.

He glared at me. "I need it."

"What do you need? The money?" I asked.

"No. I need to fuck you. I _need_ to. Don't you understand?" He ran his hand through his dirty hair.

"No, you just think you do. There are a lot of girls out there who I'm sure would be pleased to give you an old fucking. I'm just…I wouldn't be very fun tonight, that's all. I've been having some problems. Mentally. I'm not stable for sex," I said, hoping he would let it all sink into his fried brain.

"Manny, I know where you're coming from. You know, I actually do," he went and sat on his dirty couch. "I feel the same way right now. I hurt all the time. Sex is just a way for me to push it away for a few hours."

I sat down next to him. The guy was hurting. "Landon, what are you? Twenty years old? You have the whole world ahead of you. You have your whole life."

"Manny, I don't. I'm fucking addicted to everything. Being twenty years old, I shouldn't be addicted to everything under the sun. I'm killing myself. Slowly killing myself," he said, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

That's when I felt bad for him. I stared at him. Twenty years old and his once handsome face was gaunt looking. He was pale and thin. Too thin. I turned around and saw a small mirror hanging on the wall. I looked at myself. My face was beginning to look gaunt. My once full, rosy cheeks were gone. My face was pale and my hair seemed to have no purpose on my head.

I turned back to him and saw him ruffling his fine dark, almost black, hair. I truly felt sorry for him. But most of all I felt sorry for myself.

This is why I let him kiss me and why I let his tongue investigate my mouth like he'd done so many times before. This is why I let him put his hands up my shirt. Why I let him grope my chest. That's why I let him take off my pants and everything underneath. That's why I let him take a condom out of his back pocket. That's why I let him put his tongue inside me.

That's why I let him smile at my moan of pleasure. Why I let him play with my hair at the climax. Why I let him slowly enter my body with his. Why I didn't protest when he went faster and harder inside my body. That's why I let him tell me his fears and pleasures when it was all over, our naked body's sweaty and pressed tightly against each other. That's why I decided it was time to understand him.

That's when I decided to return his 'I Love You.'


	3. I'm Not Okay, Trust Me

I drove home from Landon's even more confused and even deeper in shit that I was before. I lay on the couch at Sean's house, debating with the good and the evil of it all. I hope Landon didn't take a word I said seriously, because I didn't take his seriously at all. I was stuck and couldn't think of a plan to get me out this time. I'd gone too far.

"How are you feeling?" Sean said when he walked through the door. Before I answered him I looked at the clock. Fuck, it was 11 thirty.

"I'm feeling better now. I guess all I need was sleep, because that's what I did all day." I said. Then added, "Where the fuck have you been?"

His cheeks flushed. "I know you haven't been feeling good. That's why I'm not angry you forgot. Well, me and some of the guys went down to a stinky ass Mexican restaurant for my birthday."

I forgot Sean's birthday. I forgot his birthday. I couldn't believe I celebrated his damn birthday fucking another guy.

"Sean, I'm really sorry. I…I haven't been feeling myself lately. But I promise this will get better. I'm going to make it up to you," I said softly.

He sat on the couch next to me and put his arm around me. I laid my head on his shoulder.

"No, it's okay. You have a good excuse. I'd forgive you anyway. I'm just glad you're feeling better," he said. I just nodded.

"Shit, I'm fucking exhausted. I'm going to bed. You should too," he said, standing up and heading towards the bedroom. "Yeah, soon I will," I replied. But I needed to do something first.

I put on some shoes and a jacket and went outside towards my car. I opened up the side and crawled in. I turned the roof light on so I could find my stash of shit. I found it. I opened the bag and pulled and unused syringe out, but I hesitated this time.

What the hell was I doing anyway? I was killing myself, slowly killing myself. Landon's words echoed in my head. I remember him telling me how he wanted to get better. I told him that I hoped he could get better and teach me how. I dropped the syringe and stared out the front window.

What _was_ I doing? The only answer I could really think of was that I hated everything. But was that really true? My deep conversation with Landon had turned around my way of thinking. Why? I wasn't sure. But I felt a little better about the fucking up I'd done, even if he was one of them.

I crawled back out of my car, shaking. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I rubbed my face, as if making sure I was still real.

I walked back into the house and crawled into bed next to Sean, who was breathing softly. I laid there, thinking and worrying. I was scared. I wasn't sure why, but I was.

Maybe it was a mistake to not inject my precious heroin into my body. I needed it. But I had to slap myself at this thought. I didn't need it, but I did. That is what made me get out of bed and walk out the door into the cold night and into my car. "Shit," I mumbled when I found the side door still open. I had forgotten to close it. Luckily, no one came and took my shit.

I crawled in and found the syringe I had dropped. I sat still, the syringe dangling from my fingers, ready to make the plunge. I took a deep breath, bracing myself, aware that this time it would be different. I knew it would be hard to stop after it was injected into my body. But I needed it.

I stabbed my arm hard with the needle, I titled my head back and closed my eyes and I smiled. I sighed and extracted the syringe from my arm and put it back in the bag. I moaned and got out of the car, grunting. I closed the door and fell. I stayed still, unable to move. My body was heavy. I closed my eyes and I couldn't think. I was numb. And I fell asleep outside.

I felt someone tapping on my cheek. "Manny?" Someone was saying softly. I opened my eyes and the sun blinded me. I sat up drowsily, my eyes still closed. My whole body was shaking uncontrollably. "Whoa, Manny. Slow down. Just…lay there. I'll carry you into the house."

I nodded weakly. I couldn't tell you it was, but it was male and he was strong. The next thing I knew I was being set on the couch.

"Sean?! Sean?! Are you home?" The man said. Okay, so it wasn't Sean. I tried to looked to see who it was, but my vision was blurry and my head hurt like a mother fucker. All I could do was lay there.

"Holy shit," I heard Sean say. "Manny? What the fuck happened?" He asked.

All I could make come out of my throat was a grunt.

"I don't know. I found her laying on the ground next to her car," the guy I didn't recognize said. Where had I heard that voice?

"Thanks for bringing her in, Craig." Ah, so it was Craig.

"No problem. It's just a good thing I was coming over today then," he said.

"Yeah, it is." Sean said, I heard him walking towards me.

"Are you okay, Manny?" He asked softly in my ear. I nodded, slowly.

"Alright, you must have overdone it or something. Just, rest. I'll be in and out today. I'm working on Craig's car. So, just holler if you need something," Sean said. I moaned and I heard both Sean and Craig walked outside, talking quietly about what they were going to do about Craig's car problem.

Suddenly, I was tired. Really tired. So, Sean wanted me to get sleeping pills? When all I could do was go out into my car, inject myself, and fall asleep. No need getting sleep pills. I chuckled at that one, although it sounded more like I was impersonating a dying cow. Heroin really fucks you up. I heard my phone ring. I couldn't answer it. I was kind of glad, because whoever it was, I didn't want to talk.

All this thinking just made me more tired and I finally fell asleep again.

"Manny," Sean cooed softly. My eyes shot open. Sean was sitting on the floor in front of the couch holding a bottle of water.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," he said softly. I was aware of my surroundings again. He handed me the bottle of water and I took it.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Better," I mumbled. "What happened?" He asked.

"I don't know. I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk and when I came back, I just, collapsed. I guess it was just over exhaustion," I said.

Sean nodded. "Yeah, probably. You should take it easy for awhile. Just rest up until you know for sure you're one hundred percent better."

I didn't say anything because I knew I would never be better. I would never be okay.


	4. It All Ends in Rehab

I sat on a curb in no where Toronto. I cried. I had no where to go. I lived the life of a junkie. Kicked out and abandoned by Sean, which I knew I should have saw coming if I was in the right state of mind. But I wasn't. I never was. Always high or stoned or passed out or over dosing.

I was actually getting tired of it all. I wanted so much more out of life. And the past week had been nothing but murder. I was drained, burning out. I figured if I kept living the way I was living, I had six months to live. Dead by nineteen.

I stifled a laugh. How pathetic. I had no respect for myself anymore. This is certainly not how I wanted to turn out. My aspiration to become an actress gone. After high school everything went downhill.

Why the hell did I have to do this to myself? Only now did I realize how much pain I was causing myself. Maybe this was me seeing the light. I sure hoped it was.

I was sick and all I could hear was, "Manny you're a failure. A big fat ugly failure."

And you know what? It was the dirty truth. Which is why I figured the only way out was to go to rehab. My god.

Rehab. Manny Santos in rehab. Then it would all have been a reality. The fuck ups all real. I thought maybe it was all a dream. All this just an ongoing nightmare. But I guess no matter how hard I closed my eyes and wished it was a dream, it never came true.

All this hung in my head when I checked myself into rehab.

**FYI:** Alright, yah. This is a short update and bad ending to the whole Oh So Loverly conquest. But it needed to end. Mostly because it wasn't going where I wanted it too. I liked the concept, but everything sort of dies after awhile. So that's why there is going to be an Oh So Loverly sequel, sort of.

**SPOILER ALERT!** It'll be Manny in three years and what happens after rehab and after she gets her life back together. But something happens after an accident. So, stay tuned for it because it's coming soon. Spin off time!


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